The First Time I Died

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By Alisa Battaglia

The First time I died was so long ago, it is barely memorable in the long stream of my Soul knowing. So much overlap from multiple life experiences almost make it a blended streaming, a convolution of exacting memory.

Perhaps I should count the deaths, the losses that were mini deaths, the surrendering unto the unfolding of Almighty Grace that were in itself many deaths that would catapult me unto a new life steaming.

Upon my second Soul cycle, the lineation’s that bound me to precipitous experiences to an age of wisdom now in reign. The boundless light of the Soul is ever in progression, always reviewing and even sometimes turning back in descension or de-evolution. Such paths are ultimately the teachers in the Soul’s quest for greater experience in the horizontal life. The linear urging of the human vessel is to unite with the divine spark of its inhabitant in a most visceral level, otherwise the Soul aspiration for flesh experience goes wholly unnoticed, as the precipitous urges of the body take over the Souls desire to indwell it towards its own benefit and growth.

How many times those losses came – the endings that brought new Beginnings. The pain that brought new light of awareness. The release of a dead child from my arms, twins from my womb, from my heart. So many children, so many lives. Motherhood gives birth, but is also a death of the autonomous self to another’s dependence. The symbiosis of the entwined Soul in utero offers a special unity in the life streaming.

And from all those shared experiences at the extension of another – children, lovers, family and friends. The lovers, most poignant, as it is the lover that there is surrender, a small death at a most intimate level. The collapsing in the remembrance of the divine bliss that fills the spirit. Yet, after a while, the lovers go, too. And there is the mirror, the self facing Self.

In that ultimate recognition, of reunification, there is yet another death. A death of personhood, the small self or ego predominance in submission to the “I”.  The “I” of the Soul, the real Self, the true mother, lover, friend, and guide. All of these losses and small deaths are but preparation of the Soul’s submersion into the almighty I AM.  

On the path of initiation, life and death is a constant cycle of Becoming – a knowing and strange comfort in the chrysalis into something new and more beautiful than before. The awareness that Life is eternal and begins and ends, like the ebb and flow of the waters of life, the yin and yang inflow into the other, none and one at the same time.

I remember the first time I died and yet, I will again, and again and again!

Alisa Battaglia©2019-2021

Mending the Cracked Womb Into Fullness, Sensuality & Creativity

All women are beautiful, there is no woman that is not, whether she argues with her mirror image is irrelevant…the fact remains that all women are beautiful. There is only a slight shift in perception between what we see as beauty and what we refer to as ugly. What we each consider to be beautiful is defined by a composite of thoughts that we have collected in our search for a definition of beauty and this composite is the image of the beautiful person we have in the back of our minds. It is from this composite belief or concepts that we match all images against in our definition of beauty. Everything is a concept until it is integrated. Often our sense of personal beauty comes from society’s definition of beauty, misaligning us from our actual truth, beauty, and love. The message to disconnect from our Essential Self and Source is integrated into what becomes our reality-ugliness!

When we judge ourselves against society’s standards and norms of beauty and mutilate our bodies to fit that distortion we in turn distort ourselves to reflect this distorted image. When essential or divine beauty is lost in the concepts carried in the head rather than of the heart, our unique beauty is fabricated into something false. It is this false concept of beauty that causes us to become unattractive in our imbalance. When we are unbalanced, bitter and angry our uniqueness and love cannot shine through and we become ugly fulfilling a self-prophecy in the way we think about ourselves.

Women must begin to see her beauty in terms of her innate power and unique beauty as a reflection of God-dess that she holds within her, rather than just a physical identification of her attractiveness. She must identify with her essential wholeness that in part comes from the creativity and power generated from her womb, her ability to create life and to nurture that life in hardship until that life can care for itself. The reproductive system is the power center that responds to the instinctual urge to procreate and the extra source of creative power in the female gender body that is foreign to the male. The extra life force lays within our ovaries that are whole in their life giving capacity to produce either sex – other whole females or changes to create a male. Within the female is both male and female simultaneously and thus, her power resides in both masculine and feminine strengths. Symbolically, women unlike men innately contain an inner phallic and a physical womb. This essential difference between the gender bodies makes it challenging for men to embrace his feminine aspect, which must be cultivated through discipline. The Taoists masters call the male practice of attending the feminine within, cultivating a spiritual embryo. Females are born with this life-giving capacity and it is already an inherent part of her nature.

The female does not have to use her reproductive powers to bear children, but she must be wise to understand that her power resides from her power to reproduce. Once the Soul (the inhabitant of the physical body) recognizes the endurance advantage of the female body its power resource can be used productively and creatively in ways mundane or sublime. A wise woman in touch with her essence will often seek advanced options and use her powerful forces to preserve her self by retaining or controlling her sexual power that she shares instead of giving it away. In place of forming a fetus from a fertilized egg, she uses her ovarian energy (Uterine Chalice) to raise her primordial sexual energy into the higher energy centers in the body for productive use. On a spiritual level, she gives birth. Literally, a rebirth or new life that brings confidence in controlling the powerful flow of creative energy within her that gives satisfaction and a higher sense of balance and harmony with the world.

Before cultivation of female sexual energy is possible, we must transform or neutralize our wounding experiences so that our generative region can re-gain sensitivity and open up. The vagina is like a flower and the wombs energy is the force that unfolds her. If her bud is outwardly forced to open too soon or roughly, fissures are created in her womb space and she may never blossom. Her womb energy is withdrawn seeping through the cracks of her fissured womb and her petals grow weak and shrivel from lack of feeling nourishment. She may never trust or feel safe again to unfold her glory. This is the deep wound that must be healed. When the womb is cracked it loses energy with capacity to hold energy at all, rendering the female powerless. When the womb is whole again it regains capacity and flexibility to hold and cultivate sexual energy. How can we begin to normalize the genital area to help restore wholesome sexuality? With Polarity Integration, the Infinity Body Awareness Technique and trust in your deepest self are the tools for integration that will help the feminine address personal issues on multi-dimensional levels.

Excerpts from The Essential Self, Cultivating the Sacred Feminine through Polarity Integration by Alisa Battaglia©2017

http://www.ecologyofthespirit.com/_how/hallofwisdom.htm

http://www.ecologyofthespirit.com/Integrallifeservices/IntegralLifeServ.htm#spiritmidwifery