realtionships | Alisa Battaglia

What does every female learn about boundaries growing up? There aren’t any! At least for most, perhaps aside from the warnings, “don’t talk to strangers or get into a car with anyone you don’t know.” And yet, the young fem is taught to extend herself from her safe inner sanctum in order to please others. She is told to play with those she does not like to just keep the peace. She is sexualized early before she recognizes that her appearance is significant to others and told to act like a lady, dress like a lady, speak like a lady, stay quiet and don’t give opinion. She is told that it’s her fault when a man fails to take self-responsibility for his sexual behavior and to let it go. Must’ve been too short or shown too much skin! She is guilted into doing things that are not of her own volition because they would affect others and that would be bad. She is taught to cede control without compromise even to those who don’t respect her. Silly Girl! Silly because she has failed to even discover where her boundaries actually start and where they end and the cycle repeats living life in accordance to the boundaries of others. As if on a sliding scale she adjusts her boundaries and life according to his, stretching and contracting. Is it no wonder that a women’s default defense in the negative is to cajole and manipulate to get her way so she stays within the parameters of others boundaries, rather than express from within her own domain?

Boundaries bear the fruit in every significant relationship and that starts with her. Without them, life is a swim against a current that is a constantly immersive experience of trying to keep a pretty head above water as the tides of emotions call the day. Physical space is necessary for life. That is what boundaries are about. A kind of personal territory to function well. To give space from being too close that causes a stunting of growth or feeling overdrawn from giving too much. No matter, these expressions are dysfunctional in the way to manage personal energy.

Physical boundaries refer to body sovereignty, privacy, and personal space. In reality, though, there are no boundaries because all is connected at the spiritual level, but at the physical level everyone requires them. There are many types of boundaries and all healthy ones are negotiated around non-negotiable boundaries. This means that healthy boundaries are a reflection of the principles, rules, and guidelines she has set for herself. After all, a woman sets the standard for how she wishes to be treated. A breach arises when she fails to manage her boundaries in ways that honor her entirely and when her significant relationships disrespect, ignore, or is unaware of those principles or personal needs. If she has loose boundaries this always leads to some form of emotional manipulation, whether or not it’s intentional.

Understanding the desire for healthy boundary space differs between men and women and is vital for the allowance of differences, communication and unique expression. One is not better than the other, they simply are different “qualities” that are complimentary or subject for great difficulty when not understood and respected in their output. An awareness of contrast supports the feminine to safeguard her space in a positive, loving and dynamic way while also honoring the boundaries of the masculine. Space between the gender bodies and their spiritual energy fields allows for reciprocal flow with recognition of the unique vibrational qualities of the other. It is a power sharing arrangement!

The quality of energy in the natural female body is higher in vibration and therefore, lighter and faster moving. The feminine has a way of doing things quickly and often is the wonder woman that manages a household, meals and children. Her energy pattern of how she moves through the world is more intuitive, holistic, creative, and integrative. Emotions are her natural domain. She is inclined to rescue others she sees as victimized in her leaning to be more sensitive, warm and attentive to others. She is also more apprehensive which is where she can be more easily manipulated by her counterpart. In contrast, the natural male body is lower in vibration, heavier and slower moving. He is more focused on one thing at a time and multi-tasking is not his domain. His natural tendency is a methodical approach to emotional stability that grounds the feminine. His energy pattern of how he moves through the world is more logical, analytical, and rational. The mind is his natural domain. The masculine energy tends to be more dominant in his approach to life and is more forceful and aggressive in how he gets his way. He has a more difficult time relating to his own feelings and may retreat if he feels threatened by the expression of her feelings in his presence, which is the area where he is most easily manipulated.

These masculine and feminine energy qualities may play out differently, but if not understood they express disfunctionally through the invasion of both physical space and within the spiritual energetic domain. A bodies vibration is disrupted when it is invaded by another’s energy. This always produces disharmony. This disruption in the other body’s vibration gives rise to the general pattern of irritation that creates the energetic tensions between the gender bodies, kind of like feeling a small pebble in a shoe.

Both gender bodies agree that they have difficulty with the other body energy invading their space. For instance, feminine space invaded by a foreign male body energy causes her to feel slow, depressed and grief filled. His heavy energy pulls her down. He invades in his belief that in order for the feminine to survive, he needs to keep her safe. He tells her what to wear, what to do, where to sit and how she shall be seen so he can keep his eye on her. This can freak her out, cause her to rebel and even put herself in danger by his disruption into her energy system. His dominance and control over her body space and spiritual energetics is a huge source of contention that in part spawned the feminist movement in her desire to express and be heard without his invasion into her autonomy. She cannot deal or heal with her partners vibration, but she can deal and heal with her own.

When masculine space is invaded by foreign feminine body energy, he feels frenetic, spacey and perturbed. Her excitation escalates his energy into discomfort. For example, the slower and denser vibration of the male often reinforces the female belief that she needs to quicken his pace by nagging or doing it for him, thus she treats him as a child thereby invading his space and trying to create through his energy system. The slow roll male energy is what many a feminine attest in the dragging of his feet to commitment, the laxness of doing chores, expressing appreciation or lacking erotic imagination in sex. The feminine must be very exacting in how she desires to be fulfilled since the masculine is more logical, analytical, and rational that he requires explicit direction and spoken to in a way that does not raise his ire. Rather than focusing her energy into his energy field or body space, the feminine must stay focused in her own energetic domain and learn how to speak his language so he can hear her.

Masculine and feminine energy behavior constructed from beliefs cause an invasion of the other. Beliefs are often learned behaviors modeled from childhood. This is familiar in the typical parent-child relationship where the parent steals the child’s self-responsibility by trying to solve their problems by telling them what to do, think and be. Invading behavior is trying to make another do what is wanted. Played out in adulthood this may translate as a parent invading the physical and energetic space of the offspring in order to live out their dream. The world is full of stories of setting aside dreams and desires to live out a parent’s aspiration. People are not incarnated to energetically create through another and live out others dreams.

Society teaches to take the focus off of self and to place it on others instead. To learn how to move energy through her own body and not through his body, she has to let go of beliefs that causes her to do so. This requires self-responsibility for personal behavior and a sustained personal focus of how social patterns play out. He must learn to do the same. She, nor he can heal or get the other to do so other than by cultivating within their own energy system. This points to the futility of attempting to create through the other.

At a broader level, reflecting on social relationships with the emerging global infrastructure it is easy to see how energetic tentacles invade humanities collective physical and energy bodies via dictates of what is put into them, what to believe, what to eat, what to learn, what to say, how to act, and so on. Escalating levels of invasion into personal energetic domains in the attempt to control physical body space produce effects that are highly negative and undesirable. There lacks a consensual power sharing arrangement and will always produce blow back as a natural response to body sovereignty in the sowing of discord and chaos.

The integration of inner masculine and feminine spiritual energies is the only way to grow, heal, create and produce more of what is desired. The Male-female relationship by nature of polaric physical and energetic differences provides an opportune environment to do so. When there is a flow of energy exchange coupled with respect, anything desired can be created. Whether that is a family, a home, a project, or workspace environment there is always better interaction and more fun when allowing each other personal space and unique vibration to shine through.

INTEGRATION of the MASCULINE and FEMININE PRINCIPLE

By Alisa Battaglia, BD, EFT, CHT, TH

The expressions of masculine and feminine energies are the focal point when we lose ourselves or encounter troubled parts of our being. When the Anima and Animus or soul is disconnected, there is self-devaluation and subjection to all sorts of self-limiting beliefs and painful emotions. Unfortunately, the systemic root within modern culture is to look outside of self for answers to inner dilemmas. This attitude is most prominent in the realm of relationships where vital energy for achieving inner congruency expends itself outwardly in search for the perfect companion. Although, relationships are one of the most fulfilling aspects of life because they mirror what is necessary to learn about ourselves through another, they also promote co-dependence when we look to them for our wholeness. Using a relationship as a crutch or distraction from self always stifles growth. Instead, we might guide one other to connect with the authentic self, the wise inner being that nourishes and frees us from attachments.

Regardless of gender or sexual orientation, there is both a feminine and a masculine part of our nature. True femininity, is connected to the masculine and true masculinity is connected to the feminine. Bridging and maintaining balance between these two compelling forces of energy is a power sharing arrangement. The archetypal forces of the assertive masculine qualities and the receptive feminine qualities are both fundamental parts of our bio-psycho-spiritual development.

Too often, there is restraint from fully animating the masculine side of nature because there is belief that it will harm or violate others, especially if experience has proven it so. In reality, power is neutral and depending on intent, power either harms or helps. In addition, the feminine counterpart erroneously equates with weakness and accommodation. However, we are power, effective and free when we animate both our masculine and feminine energies from a place of love and openness as opposed to fear and defensiveness. The result of inner fusion produces a shift in consciousness as a state of sovereignty within us. Sovereignty allows the soul that is whom we are to achieve with ease its true purpose, which frees us of co-dependency so we may relate to others in an authentic way that is not sabotaged by neediness of the bifurcated personality.

The feminine and masculine archetype represents through the right and left halves of the brain and the corresponding sides of the body. It is always interesting to note the side of the body where personal will, injury and pain originate. Are they fairly limited to one side of the body or are they evenly dispersed in different areas? Observing the pattern and where tensions or dis-eases, our strengths or weaknesses in body and character are held, is just as important as to which side of the body the imbalance dominates. Essentially, the left side of the body is the receptive side of the body with a negative ion (-) and therefore, feminine, which relates to emotions and intuition. The feminine principle provides the nurturing, inner awareness and vision to guide us through life. The right side of the body with a positive ion (+) is action oriented and therefore, masculine, which relates to logic and focused mental pursuits. The masculine principle provides the action and the will needed to meet our destination. If the introspective feminine is underactive and the active masculine is overactive, a clear and soulful sense of life direction is absent. Conversely, if an appropriate direction is envisioned of where we want to go in the feminine, but the masculine is underactive, there lacks will, making it difficult to ignite into action and accomplish goals.

Overactive masculine energy is characterized by tough love, hyper mental focus and achievement oriented. In such an overactive state, alot of mental energy is expended -circuitously locked in a pattern of unfulfillment even after months or years of effort only to feel burdened with a backlog of unfinished projects and unfulfilled desires. This often relates to people married to their job or see value in life only in terms of materialism. In turn, underactive feminine energy often becomes an “inability to do” that relies on relationships as a substitute for self-development. Internally, masculine and feminine energies need to be working in tandem to protect mutual sovereignty. This means that when the relationship between the masculine and feminine self is non-communicative, inner energies are not working together in harmony and therefore, vulnerable to internal and external invasion. While the feminine is most vulnerable to the controlling masculine and saviorship patterns, the masculine is equally responsible for the pattern of invasion of its feminine counterpart and others. If the male cannot trust and surrender to his inner feminine he will find it difficult to trust and surrender in his relationships or will use his fear and mistrust to seek power over others. If the female cannot trust and use her masculine edge or inner phallic to defend herself or her family unit and support herself wisely, she will use this energy negatively to her detriment. She will either mistrust or hurt others with it unable to trust or surrender in her relationships or she will give her energy away on a silver platter and render herself victim to masculine power. She is unable to stand in her presence and fortify boundaries to feel safe, which is masculine energy. The healing process begins when a relational dialogue develops between the masculine and feminine energies, one at a time. This means getting to know the energetic expressions of each domain and how they play out in our lives.

Wise to grasp that men and women are equal in value, but different in function. Understood this way both gender principles can be developed equally, rather than take a lopsided approach. For example, a common experience occurs when the feminine vision is clear, but the masculine heads off in another direction for lack of inner dialogue that prevents understanding and/or achievement of true purpose. In such a state of imbalance, the inner feminine expression is thwarted and fear takes over trust, intuitive guidance or wisdom. However, when knowingness and common sense of the masculine is confirmed by the feminine intuition, balance is found. We need to be both strong and sensitive, to dance without being polarized.

Awareness produces an ever-increasing dictum of how life exists in polarity or dual nature. When the masculine and feminine self becomes an integrated composite of highly creative energies or sovereign, spiritual forces flow throughout the body and we experience our lives more fully, inner directed and move forward on our path. When these energies are out of balance, progress is generally difficult, if not impossible.

Cultivating spiritual ethics, a set of values mediated not by thinking, but by feeling truth is a path of action that takes us from awareness to presence and in touch with lovingness, compassion and kindness that does not harm, but protects life.