authentic relationships | Alisa Battaglia

Intimate relationships nourish body, mind and spirit. They warm the soul and soften the heart. The quality of these relationships says a lot about the quality of our lives and our health, and reflects back to us what we need to learn-how to have more patience, be without judgment and essentially to love ourselves unconditionally. It is a mirror effect. We give what we are.

Some relationships are very difficult, while others flow effortlessly and perhaps some are a little of both. The level of conflict in each relationship is a good indicator as to how much inner work has been accomplished and what areas still need more attention individually, as a couple, in friendship, in physical family and in spiritual groups.

Heart centered relationships are an exchange of authentic feelings and sometimes it takes spewing a lot of feelings to get to that inner space of being okay with self to be okay with others. Oftentimes, we choose to suffer intensely and even put up with all sorts of abuses before we ever experience right relationship. The amount of abuse we allow from others is correlative to the amount of abuse we accept from ourselves, if not more. Loving ourselves is the key to authentically loving others.

No matter where we are, we can always strive for cooperation as an effortlessness and harmonious exchange of feelings, words, ideas, and actions that are complimentary and supportive to the spirit within us. Cooperation softens the blows of life instead of adding to harshness and unnecessary conflict.

In assessing our relationships, we can view them much in the same way we would our wardrobe. For instance, we pick and choose to keep what fits or is sentimental or meaningful. Equally, we let go of what no longer fits, is old, or out of style. Even though people are not to be discarded like clothes or traded in for a newer model, the point is to let go of those relationships that do not wear well on us because they are not fulfilling, cause us pain, are imbalanced, or even lack boundaries. Sometimes relationships require space for renewal and return building new love, but some never do. If they are dour and bring a dark light upon us, their color is not the right shade for right relationship.

Out of our circle of friends/acquaintances, we find people from our past that no longer have a place in our present for whatever reason, while others we may wish to know better. Therefore, we let go of those who no longer fit our current self, or reach out to spend more time with those we would like to share with, and strengthen current relationships that are fulfilling us.

Whoever these people are that we share our love and appreciation for always tell them how special they are. This gladdens everyone’s heart.

Forgiveness
Disconnecting from the Past
By Alisa Battaglia

When we have surrendered our expectations, softened our hearts and found the gift in our wounding experiences we are ready to activate the heart through forgiveness. Forgiveness may not be easy, but it will make us feel better by freeing our negativity and increasing our self control. The role of forgiveness is essential in our healing passage because it disconnects us from the grippings of the past and gives us confidence to get through other tough situations without harboring resentment, panicking or losing control. Forgiving does not mean that we have to forget what was done to us, or suddenly befriend or approve of someone who has trespassed against us. It does mean that we release our aggressors of any lingering resentments and also to forgive ourselves from mis-takes so that we may finally move forward to be wholly present in our lives.

As we evolve and develop a greater depth of understanding there is a natural willingness to engage in forgiveness. The very act of forgiveness heals, constructs bridges and breaks down barriers in building right relationships in families, groups, communities, nations and humanity—the world of the soul. It is understood that without forgiveness there can be no authentic relationships unless separative and narrow thinking are relinquished.

Forgiveness is not only a charitable act or benevolent gesture that we bestow or withhold at times. True forgiveness is actually an act that we do for ourselves to let go of the burden that hurt brings when we hold on. For example, we first experience a transgression as a loss in peace, happiness and separation that causes us to build defenses to keep a person out of our lives. Holding such a burden usurps our vital energy and we suffer in myriad ways. When we love ourselves we do what we need to do to liberate ourselves from the bondage of feeling separate, otherwise we trap ourselves in the ignorance that we are NOT from the same One Life and Source and we trespass against ourselves. True forgiveness helps to bind the spiritual realms ever closer to humanity. It is the recognition of our Oneness and the remembrance of our True Self as immortal spirit.

Both religious and psychological traditions have long extolled the virtues of forgiveness in the promotion of psychological, relationship and physical health. In fact, research studies conducted through the Stanford Forgiveness Projects have shown forgiveness to reduce anger, hurt, depression and stress, which leads to greater feelings of optimism, hope, compassion and self confidence. Holding onto blame, judgment and expectation keeps our wounds open, while only forgiveness heals.

The four stages of forgiveness found in Clarissa Pinkola-Estes’s book, “Women who Run with the Wolves” is an alchemical recipe that catharts us through the forgiveness process. It provides an actual capacity to disconnect from the object of our attention imbuing universal wisdom.